GOOD fortune and a happy life is just a pay packet away; well that’s what Dandenong’s “world famous” astrologer wanted me to believe. I met the learned Pandith Ganapath Raj in the back-room of a discount shop on Lonsdale Street. Clearly, times are tough on the “world famous” and “100 per cent guaranteed” astrology circuit.

The so-called healing session started with three questions: full name; date of birth; and, place of birth. Then thrust upon me were about 10 glazed shells that I had to cup in the palms of my hands, shake and drop. Ganapath studied the scattered mess on the table and wrote a number down on a notepad. I had to do the pick-up-shells routine three times over.

Three numbers down, now it was time to hear all things good about my life to date. For what it’s worth I’ll have two marriages in my life. Apparently one’s already happened – that’s news to me. I will live to the ripe old age of 92. I will be comfortable in life and have good people around me. It didn’t take long for the tables to turn. After all, we can’t all be perfect. I was told black magic was stopping me from progression – in love, life, health and career. Despite this apparent dilemma – it wasn’t all doom and gloom.

Ganapath, my would-be saviour, vowed to pray for me day-and-night until the black magic was gone. As with any service, there’s a price, and Ganapath doesn’t hold back. I was quoted a $550 prayer charge; with the money to be spent on buying trinkets that will protect me against evil spirits. Ganapath assured me the price was good value and that there was an ATM around the corner.